Entry 08 1:10pm
She's held captive. Hands tied behind her back with an invisible rope of disaster. Feet locked by an emotional brace of fear stopping her from running. She dangles high above the floor as she is hung by the dragons, demons, and villains that claim her will power and decisions to find freedom through emotion, insecurities, and manipulation. Everyone that surrounds her knows her distress yet feeds her mind with false ideas of love in forcing her to believe freedom is found in desolation. Deep inside the moss infested dungeon her outcry is as silent as the sounds of growing leaves found outside our selfish bound world we call Earth. But I heard her cry. I saw the tears and sobs for a savior in my dreams. I felt the pain and torture before I awoke. My past can be marked by the same story again and again. Save the girl in distress. However, I don't keep the damsel. She finds safety in the arms of the beholder...not the warrior.
I'm attracted to the idea of saving the one that is bound by the villain. Every woman seems to desire the romance of a Disney story. And I've realized I'm lost inside the desire to be the prince that saves the princess from the dragon. In today's world, the dragons and villains are emotional ties, cancerous insecurities with a side order of control. Apparently I run into these situations and seek the reward of triumph. However, these battles are not mine to face. I see these problems as dragons to slay, but I'm stuck without the reward my Disney picture ending has led me to believe I would have. Each time the feeling is like knives thrusting from the inside of my stomach to the out. But now I'm stuck with one of the biggest dragons I've ever faced.
She spins, she pulls, she screams, and she shimmies herself through the ropes in hope she can find some sort of relief. Failure is the only reward reaped throughout this entire fight. Screaming is growing useless and her tears begin to dry on her cheeks as time counts down the seconds until she dies of starvation. Regrets overflow her mind wishing she should have stayed in the arms of safety. Suddenly, the doors fling open. a bright light illuminates the dark edges of death surrounding her beauty and grace. A man standing between the doors with a sword in hand and a dragon slayed behind him. His clothes were ripped and his arms were bloody from the fierce battle fought moments ago. "Are you okay, my Lady?" He reaches high and cuts her ropes. Arms and feet free and a smile as wide as the gratefulness she has within. Such a vibrant smile. The warrior escorts her out safely as she witnesses the rows of villains that lay on the floor lifeless and destroyed once and for all! She thanks him with a kiss and a hug that lasted for years. He felt her heart beat against his in sync with the love they had for one another. She held him in tranquility, she kissed him in love, she bid him farewell...and he never saw her again.
Disney pictures presents....."Love Sucks"
Monday, August 24, 2009
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Woman in the Black Dress
Entry 07 12:59pm
As she stood there in the hallway, my hands began to tremble in light desperation. Hopes, dreams, wishes, and thoughts overfilled my mind like an overflowing cereal bowl. I hate the mess it leaves. 'What if this is it?' were my thoughts exactly. A single moment of sight was all that was needed to lower the walls that built a defense to save me from the destruction that love-failed games tend to extract. I don't have anything left to give after the first aftermath, but something inside me cleverly built up a manufactured ounce of care.
I took the first few steps towards her to muster a 'Hello, how are you?' but the Adams apple stuck in my esophagus turned into a crimson apple to be pierced by an arrow. That's when my throat choked up. Fighting every ounce of struggle with myself became a war I had to win within the next few seconds. I think I broke a world record. She looked up at me and said, "Hey! There you are!" I smiled. Not a word back. What can I even say that won't jeopardize the peace I've fought so hard to attain in the past few months. "Hey..." and that was it.
We left to find a place to nestle ourselves between a wooden table that would separate the two worlds colliding. She wore a black dress that would scream a sound of disaster. I couldn't hear it since I was too busy being lost by the sweet and flattering words that would come out of her mouth. Her masked lips would mimic the feeling of tranquility only to find solace within the sound of her voice. Her manufactured smile, delicately covered by a poison of misconception. But her eyes would shine such a bright light that blinded me from the war that would soon end. Casualty count...1.
Weeks have gone by. The costume of perfection has engulfed the sound of alarms ringing throughout my body like sound proof walls. This poison has transformed my nerve cells into robotic circuitry, programmed to do just one thing...love. A belief so far fetched in my normal understanding, but somehow I've come to the point of re-acquainting myself with this eerie passion. Her touch as fake as a car salesman convinced my feeble mind I was everything this world needed; only to find out I was only a tool. That's when my eyes opened.
I saw her there. She wore a black dress with eyes that tell white lies. I saw a bloody dagger in her left hand and a withered black heart in the right. Her hair as nappy as spider webs...God I hate spider webs. She looked up at me and said "Hello." My stomach turned. I stared at her and decided to turn around and walk away. I know I don't have much; and I know that It may not suffice to the fulfillment of others. But this tiny piece of heart that keeps me going with every ounce of strength and hope is what tells me I have only 1 chance left. When it's time I'll give everything that's left; because it means absolutely everything to me.
As she stood there in the hallway, my hands began to tremble in light desperation. Hopes, dreams, wishes, and thoughts overfilled my mind like an overflowing cereal bowl. I hate the mess it leaves. 'What if this is it?' were my thoughts exactly. A single moment of sight was all that was needed to lower the walls that built a defense to save me from the destruction that love-failed games tend to extract. I don't have anything left to give after the first aftermath, but something inside me cleverly built up a manufactured ounce of care.
I took the first few steps towards her to muster a 'Hello, how are you?' but the Adams apple stuck in my esophagus turned into a crimson apple to be pierced by an arrow. That's when my throat choked up. Fighting every ounce of struggle with myself became a war I had to win within the next few seconds. I think I broke a world record. She looked up at me and said, "Hey! There you are!" I smiled. Not a word back. What can I even say that won't jeopardize the peace I've fought so hard to attain in the past few months. "Hey..." and that was it.
We left to find a place to nestle ourselves between a wooden table that would separate the two worlds colliding. She wore a black dress that would scream a sound of disaster. I couldn't hear it since I was too busy being lost by the sweet and flattering words that would come out of her mouth. Her masked lips would mimic the feeling of tranquility only to find solace within the sound of her voice. Her manufactured smile, delicately covered by a poison of misconception. But her eyes would shine such a bright light that blinded me from the war that would soon end. Casualty count...1.
Weeks have gone by. The costume of perfection has engulfed the sound of alarms ringing throughout my body like sound proof walls. This poison has transformed my nerve cells into robotic circuitry, programmed to do just one thing...love. A belief so far fetched in my normal understanding, but somehow I've come to the point of re-acquainting myself with this eerie passion. Her touch as fake as a car salesman convinced my feeble mind I was everything this world needed; only to find out I was only a tool. That's when my eyes opened.
I saw her there. She wore a black dress with eyes that tell white lies. I saw a bloody dagger in her left hand and a withered black heart in the right. Her hair as nappy as spider webs...God I hate spider webs. She looked up at me and said "Hello." My stomach turned. I stared at her and decided to turn around and walk away. I know I don't have much; and I know that It may not suffice to the fulfillment of others. But this tiny piece of heart that keeps me going with every ounce of strength and hope is what tells me I have only 1 chance left. When it's time I'll give everything that's left; because it means absolutely everything to me.
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