Entry 04 9:32am
I feel like I have everything. Time and time again these miracles appear and occur more than I have ever had in the past 23 years. But for some strange reason, something felt so incomplete. Out of nowhere came a wind that pierced through my stomach like some sort of creepy possession. Lately, every time I felt this feeling, it was followed by an out of the ordinary event. Most of the time it was bad or somebody connected to me was dealing with some sort of turmoil; And it has never failed to pin point its accuracy. The problem is that I never seem to know who or what until a day or two later. Dealing with this anticipation tends to haunt me over the hours as the discomfort builds inside of me but I've been impregnated with this fear that all my blessings will soon come to a sea of destruction but that's not really what I'm worried about.
I know most of the time it's nothing major. But this morning I couldn't help but let this feeling grasp my attention. The feeling came from my stomach and now it's moved its way to my heart. Has someone just broke up with me because it sure feels like I just got spit on again. Maybe this feeling is loneliness eating up the dried left over flesh left inside the void that once held a beating heart. Perhaps I'm acting a little "emo" here, but then I could just be acting out in confusion. Maybe I just have a hard time dealing with emotions still.
Thinking back about 5 years ago, expressing my emotions was probably the hardest thing to do. I was literally a walking statue. "Josh, can't you ever just express yourself? Why don't you get mad? Why don't you cry? Why are you the way you are? Has something happened to you in the past that makes you so closed?" I couldn't answer these questions when it was asked and at the time it may have seemed as if I was ignoring them. Yet, those questions lingered in my mind for quite some time. 'Why can't I?' I thought. It didn't seem hard but the idea that troubled me the most was the simple thought of, 'Why couldn't I express myself?' My Mother always told me I never cried as a baby. Every time something happened to me in relation to an accident, I would turn red and make a face as If I was powering up to throw a fire ball at someone. Apparently I was born with a giant bubble of pride but for some reason it became an uncontrolled problem. I've cried in front of only a few people in my life. And only 2 of them I believed was worth it.
My mind wonders a lot. Did I waste a lot of time or possibilities by holding back from expressing myself? What could have I possibly wasted? But then this answer came before my eyes. The universe wastes nothing, it simply transforms into something else. I don't mind what I was. And I certainly don't mind being who I am because of it. I'm not sad that I feel like my heart is empty or made by thorns. I was never wasted. I've simply transformed. And I like it.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Monday, June 15, 2009
Story Behind the Story
Entry 03 2:00pm
- May 2008 -
"Hi, you've reached Gordon, President of Assurance Systems, Inc. Please leave a message and I will return your call at my earliest convenience. Thank you!" - Beeeep
Just one month later after a meeting about marketing and introducing their product to the Florida market, Ivana, a South Florida marketing representative for Assurance Systems, attempted to call Gordon to advise him about how these marketing attempts are not going so smooth. Day after day she would walk from agency to agency setting up presentations and also the occasional door slam. Most of the agencies located in southern Florida were Spanish speaking communities, which was a main reason this area had been targeted. Ivana gracefully conversed with all the Hispanic agencies selling 30 day trials with complete domination but still found herself unable to create a positive conversion rate. After working so hard day in and day out, Ivana had become troubled as to why the success rate has been so low. Gung-ho clients with their 30 day trials became nothing but a ghost with communications cut like an airline tragedy. No matter how hard she tried to win these clients, she could not help but sense something was missing. So she packs her things to head to corporate located in Norcross, Georgia.
With broken English, Ivana told Gordon, "Mr. Gordon, my clients say they no speak English too good. When they need help, no one there to help them. We need espeak espanish more!" Despite the broken English, Gordon understood exactly what the problem was however he still had a puzzled look on his face. And after a few moments of silence and a confused look on Ivana's face, Gordon's eyes lit up. With a finger pointed up, "I got it!! We'll hire a Spanish rep to work from here at corporate!!" Ivana slapped her hand on her forehead while exclaiming in a disappointed tone, "Mr. Gordon! Thats what I try esplaining!" then Gordon said with a calm and sure look on his face, "I know Ivana, I know. I'll get you a rep as soon as possible okay?" Ivana nodded. And after a 2 hour flight for a 1 hour meeting, she then started to collect her belongings to head back home once again. During the flight, Ivana had nothing but plans, strategies, and goals, but despite the productive meeting, a slight discomfort with her senses dis-focused her thoughts on success. Still, she could not figure out what was missing.
Ivana received a call a few months after the meeting with Gordon but unfortunately she was busy presenting the insurance rating software to a new client of hers. "Hi Ivana! It's me, Gordon! Call me back ASAP! I got some GREAT NEWS! Buh Bye!" Quickly after hearing the exciting voicemail, Ivana called Gordon to hear about the new Spanish speaking rep they were hiring. She was so excited that she doubled her rounds during the next few weeks all over town. It was not long after till the company was receiving call after call for Spanish help and follow up calls. Excitement was in the air and at the time it seemed like nothing could go wrong! Finally, all the hard work would reap its rewards and a possible promotion is what Ivana had in mind. One day she decided to go check up on a couple of sold clients to make sure things are still in tip top shape. "Hi everyone!" Ivana came into the store with arms open wide as big as her smile with teeth as bright as her highlights. She stood there as they looked at her in silence. A sweat dropped from her forehead as if she has been in the exact position with her arms up for 13 hours. She could feel something was definitely not right. The manager stepped out and with a dark and "grudgey" tone of voice, "Is this what you call Spanish Service? To be treated like animals, trash, and money signs? And you dare to come back with that stupid smirk on that face talking to us like friends!? I would like to cancel my service immediately!" Ivana stood there completely lost for words. Her stomach twisted like a serious game of twister after having a few rounds of tequila and vodka mixed together and while we're at it, throw in an ounce of wine to kick the party. She put her arms away and walked right back out without a word. 'What in the world could've happened?' she thought. She decided to revisit a few more and to her surprise, she received the same response.
"Mr. Gordon! This no good! Who did you hire to service bad to customers!? All my clients no happy, Mr. Gordon!" Ivana kept trying to explain but she started to stutter and forget some English words due to the events that has rendered her so upset. "Now, Ivana," Gordon interrupted, "we are doing the best we can here! We might have to pull away from Florida. It doesn't seem like we are ready to take this competition on at the moment. We have a lot of things we need fix'in." "Okay Mr. Gordon. It is better this way. Let me know when you are ready. Then call me." Ivana said almost in tears to see all her work, shot down to the ground. The Spanish rep was let go since there was no longer a need for one and the service wasn't exactly to par either. Just a few short weeks after, Gordon mentioned the software was finally ready. He called Ivana to talk about the new plans and ideas to taking over the whole entire state of Florida. But Ivana quickly responded, "Mr. Gordon. Find good espanish rep to help me. A good one! I will not market for you until you find one." Gordon knew she was right. A conviction completely overtook his conscious. "Okay Ivana. We will talk in the future." and their conversation had ended.
6 months have gone by. Ivana looked at her gold rolex watch with a calender built in. "May 12th, 2009" She wore her top business apparel as she prepared to make her first rounds of marketing presentations after receiving a phone call from Gordon. This call was a bit different. "Hi Ivana??" Gordon mustered. "Yes Mr. Gordon?" Ivana had no idea what the random call was about. "Ivana, we need your help. I have someone here and we want to test him out. We want to find out if he really does speak Spanish or not." Ivana heard laughter in the background. 'Could this be a joke?' she thought. "Um..Ok Mr. Gordon." Then Gordon replied, "Ok great! When you're ready, say something!" Ivana paused for a moment. "...eh...Holaaaaa?" A mysterious male voice responded, "Si? Hola! Como estas!??" Ivana and the mysterious person began to converse about normal day to day things while Gordon stood there completely oblivious to the fact that they were speaking about laundry and white people. Gordon interrupted, "Okay soooo...does he speak good Spanish!?" Ivana excited as ever said, "YES! Sounds GOOD!" "Gordon smiled wide and said, "Perfect! Thanks Ivana! Bye!"
Gordon sat in a conference room with the Vice President together. "So what do you think? Should we hire this guy? I mean he was a little bit over dressed. He might almost be a little over qualified with what he's done. What do you think Roger?" Roger replied, "Well he seems like a good kid. He did insurance for the last year so thats perfect since he knows about raters. He also has alot of phone and sales work. He can collaborate with Ivana to make it happen." They both paused for a minute and looked at each other knowing what the answer was already. "Lets hire him." then Gordon looked at him and replied convinced, "Okay then! By the way, what was his name again?" Roger laughed, "His name is Josh Gomez."
- May 2008 -
"Hi, you've reached Gordon, President of Assurance Systems, Inc. Please leave a message and I will return your call at my earliest convenience. Thank you!" - Beeeep
Just one month later after a meeting about marketing and introducing their product to the Florida market, Ivana, a South Florida marketing representative for Assurance Systems, attempted to call Gordon to advise him about how these marketing attempts are not going so smooth. Day after day she would walk from agency to agency setting up presentations and also the occasional door slam. Most of the agencies located in southern Florida were Spanish speaking communities, which was a main reason this area had been targeted. Ivana gracefully conversed with all the Hispanic agencies selling 30 day trials with complete domination but still found herself unable to create a positive conversion rate. After working so hard day in and day out, Ivana had become troubled as to why the success rate has been so low. Gung-ho clients with their 30 day trials became nothing but a ghost with communications cut like an airline tragedy. No matter how hard she tried to win these clients, she could not help but sense something was missing. So she packs her things to head to corporate located in Norcross, Georgia.
With broken English, Ivana told Gordon, "Mr. Gordon, my clients say they no speak English too good. When they need help, no one there to help them. We need espeak espanish more!" Despite the broken English, Gordon understood exactly what the problem was however he still had a puzzled look on his face. And after a few moments of silence and a confused look on Ivana's face, Gordon's eyes lit up. With a finger pointed up, "I got it!! We'll hire a Spanish rep to work from here at corporate!!" Ivana slapped her hand on her forehead while exclaiming in a disappointed tone, "Mr. Gordon! Thats what I try esplaining!" then Gordon said with a calm and sure look on his face, "I know Ivana, I know. I'll get you a rep as soon as possible okay?" Ivana nodded. And after a 2 hour flight for a 1 hour meeting, she then started to collect her belongings to head back home once again. During the flight, Ivana had nothing but plans, strategies, and goals, but despite the productive meeting, a slight discomfort with her senses dis-focused her thoughts on success. Still, she could not figure out what was missing.
Ivana received a call a few months after the meeting with Gordon but unfortunately she was busy presenting the insurance rating software to a new client of hers. "Hi Ivana! It's me, Gordon! Call me back ASAP! I got some GREAT NEWS! Buh Bye!" Quickly after hearing the exciting voicemail, Ivana called Gordon to hear about the new Spanish speaking rep they were hiring. She was so excited that she doubled her rounds during the next few weeks all over town. It was not long after till the company was receiving call after call for Spanish help and follow up calls. Excitement was in the air and at the time it seemed like nothing could go wrong! Finally, all the hard work would reap its rewards and a possible promotion is what Ivana had in mind. One day she decided to go check up on a couple of sold clients to make sure things are still in tip top shape. "Hi everyone!" Ivana came into the store with arms open wide as big as her smile with teeth as bright as her highlights. She stood there as they looked at her in silence. A sweat dropped from her forehead as if she has been in the exact position with her arms up for 13 hours. She could feel something was definitely not right. The manager stepped out and with a dark and "grudgey" tone of voice, "Is this what you call Spanish Service? To be treated like animals, trash, and money signs? And you dare to come back with that stupid smirk on that face talking to us like friends!? I would like to cancel my service immediately!" Ivana stood there completely lost for words. Her stomach twisted like a serious game of twister after having a few rounds of tequila and vodka mixed together and while we're at it, throw in an ounce of wine to kick the party. She put her arms away and walked right back out without a word. 'What in the world could've happened?' she thought. She decided to revisit a few more and to her surprise, she received the same response.
"Mr. Gordon! This no good! Who did you hire to service bad to customers!? All my clients no happy, Mr. Gordon!" Ivana kept trying to explain but she started to stutter and forget some English words due to the events that has rendered her so upset. "Now, Ivana," Gordon interrupted, "we are doing the best we can here! We might have to pull away from Florida. It doesn't seem like we are ready to take this competition on at the moment. We have a lot of things we need fix'in." "Okay Mr. Gordon. It is better this way. Let me know when you are ready. Then call me." Ivana said almost in tears to see all her work, shot down to the ground. The Spanish rep was let go since there was no longer a need for one and the service wasn't exactly to par either. Just a few short weeks after, Gordon mentioned the software was finally ready. He called Ivana to talk about the new plans and ideas to taking over the whole entire state of Florida. But Ivana quickly responded, "Mr. Gordon. Find good espanish rep to help me. A good one! I will not market for you until you find one." Gordon knew she was right. A conviction completely overtook his conscious. "Okay Ivana. We will talk in the future." and their conversation had ended.
6 months have gone by. Ivana looked at her gold rolex watch with a calender built in. "May 12th, 2009" She wore her top business apparel as she prepared to make her first rounds of marketing presentations after receiving a phone call from Gordon. This call was a bit different. "Hi Ivana??" Gordon mustered. "Yes Mr. Gordon?" Ivana had no idea what the random call was about. "Ivana, we need your help. I have someone here and we want to test him out. We want to find out if he really does speak Spanish or not." Ivana heard laughter in the background. 'Could this be a joke?' she thought. "Um..Ok Mr. Gordon." Then Gordon replied, "Ok great! When you're ready, say something!" Ivana paused for a moment. "...eh...Holaaaaa?" A mysterious male voice responded, "Si? Hola! Como estas!??" Ivana and the mysterious person began to converse about normal day to day things while Gordon stood there completely oblivious to the fact that they were speaking about laundry and white people. Gordon interrupted, "Okay soooo...does he speak good Spanish!?" Ivana excited as ever said, "YES! Sounds GOOD!" "Gordon smiled wide and said, "Perfect! Thanks Ivana! Bye!"
Gordon sat in a conference room with the Vice President together. "So what do you think? Should we hire this guy? I mean he was a little bit over dressed. He might almost be a little over qualified with what he's done. What do you think Roger?" Roger replied, "Well he seems like a good kid. He did insurance for the last year so thats perfect since he knows about raters. He also has alot of phone and sales work. He can collaborate with Ivana to make it happen." They both paused for a minute and looked at each other knowing what the answer was already. "Lets hire him." then Gordon looked at him and replied convinced, "Okay then! By the way, what was his name again?" Roger laughed, "His name is Josh Gomez."
Monday, June 8, 2009
Metacognition
Entry 02 9:46pm
The rain is starting to hit really hard. It has gradually been building up momentum since it started about 5 minutes ago after the first loud thunder that startled me from my after-work nap. I have never seen something hit so hard to the ground since 2006 when I heard the words, "you're suspended from church..." and, "You're a worthless excuse of a man!" But I can't help but think that if I never heard these words, would I have ever bothered to grow in the areas I chose after those words pierced my soul. Actually, it still sets the boundaries to the kind of person I am and still becoming. I am not, and will never be, FAKE. And I am becoming a better version of me every morning that I wake up. These are my values. This creates who I am.
The rain is starting to die out now. I'm sitting on my window sill staring at the gray invading sky. The blue has been completely swallowed by the clouds and you can hear crackles of the tiny drops smacking against wood and solid concrete beginning to fade like the end of your favorite song. It's only been about 15 minutes and the storm was the hardest I've seen, yet the shortest I've experienced here. I can't help but relive my past in my thoughts while I've been here on "standby". I've had so many of these quick storms, yet it hit so hard that it's going to take three or four times as long just to dry the water that was regurgitated by the gloomy sky. My life is still drying. And unfortunately I didn't make enough drains so I think I'm still overflowing with this mess. A lot of my valuables floated away along with it like my Integrity.
I think it's good enough outside to go out for my nightly run but this time it won't be under the stars. I started to change into my running clothes and I could tell I was eager to try my new running shoes but as I slipped into them, I slipped into another gray sky memory. Time stopped and I remembered when I put on my old running shoes while I stared at my ex-fiance playing with the kitties. I was stuck in a black and white memory and I somehow could not return back to my present day memory. I was looking at my overweight self and her. I overheard my black and white self think, "How did this loser get to be with a girl like that?" Then suddenly my memory became a replica of the movie "Click". Except for the lack of convenience to control my destination. It fast forward to the day I rushed her to the hospital in the middle of the night. I was in the back seat watching myself race through the streets of Lancaster over 100 mph. "COME ON!! GET THE HELL OUTTA MY WAY!!" was all I kept yelling at the speed abiding citizens of Antelope Valley. Fast forward again back to my office room at my house on Racquet Ln. I saw myself leaning against the wall as she began to lean towards me to be held. I saw her plant herself on my chest with my arms still on my sides. I saw my own face with no emotion. I was simply dead. Yet she was engaged in a war inside of herself. I could see the bloodshed coming from her heart. I could hear the screams and yet I still saw myself unaffected. Her tears began to trickle down her cheek and that's when my memory-self reacted. I saw my self cry without a cry. Deep inside I was violently trying to express what I felt, yet my body disobeyed my heart. I skipped to another chapter, and suddenly I was driving on the rain on the 14 freeway. On the phone I said, "I love you. I missed you so much! I can't wait to see you! I'm so sorry! I will never fail you!" And then I paused for a moment and said, "...of course...I'll never give up on you..." Again the thunder struck and I was relieved to see I'm back home. But apparently I'm outside now ready for my run. Hmm....I wish I can rewind to see how I got here...
T he gray became a very dark gray sky. I could tell the rain was not over. But I decided to run anyways. I started to make my way through the neighborhood when I saw a bright flash followed by a thunderous blast shake through my arm hairs. I've never felt nervous about thunder until this night. I was outside running while electricity split through the skies. It sure did get my adrenaline going since I never seemed to be short of breath like I usually am after a few strides. It's completely black now. I've been running for a good 20 minutes under the lightning, risking my life to drop a few pounds. Before I blinked again an extremely bright flash covered my eyes almost blinding me when time stopped again. I wasn't running around my neighborhood anymore. I was running through the halls of the old Highlands church with a crap load of doors like some freaky twilight movie. No not that stupid teeny bopper vampire trash. I stopped and opened a door and I saw myself sobbing my life away while people surrounded me staring. That's when Chris took the initiative to give me a man hug. This was the first time I broke out of my first shell. I closed the door smiling and opened the next one. Although this door was different from the first door because this one was covered with broken crosses. I dared to open it when I saw myself on the alter praying for kids to change. My eyes were black. I couldn't look any longer so I closed the door. I opened the next door that had a tux and besides that, a white dress. I took a peek and saw myself kneeling in a room filled with rose bouquets and rose pedals all over the floor. I held a white rose with a ring on top of it. She held her mouth with her hands as if to hold back the two life changing words. But with a tear she said, "I do." The door closed by itself on this one. I guess I was enjoying watching that one a bit too much.
I decided to skip the rest. I think I've had enough of this dream. I wanted to go back to running under the flashing electric bolts of death again but I was once again stuck. I reached the end of the hall with one last door at the end. This door had a valentines day card with a pedal-less rose held on the door by a knife that had the words, "God made me do it" engraved through the middle. The thorns were the brightest and most noticing aspect of this so called "Flower". My hands trembled as I opened this door. A gentle light glared off my eyes. It was a full moon and all I can hear was my breathing in sync with my heart beat. And I saw lightning strike through the full moon and turned black. At that moment I reached my arm out as if I saw my life fade away. I started running quickly when I realized I was sprinting my way back home in present time. I looked up and noticed between an opening in the clouds was a bright full moon fading slowly into the thick black gas formations. The rain started again since I felt the drizzle mixed with my sweat. This was the last stretch before I made it home and I was hoping the rain wouldn't come down yet. But of course with my luck, before I could even finish this thought, the rain began to fall. It wasn't long until the sweat and rain dripping from my hair was indistinct.
I am very aware that I'm growing. I am very aware that I'm alive. I've been thinking of my thinking a little too much lately, but my thinking has been becoming a more interesting thought. But now my only thought is the fear of getting pneumonia.
The rain is starting to hit really hard. It has gradually been building up momentum since it started about 5 minutes ago after the first loud thunder that startled me from my after-work nap. I have never seen something hit so hard to the ground since 2006 when I heard the words, "you're suspended from church..." and, "You're a worthless excuse of a man!" But I can't help but think that if I never heard these words, would I have ever bothered to grow in the areas I chose after those words pierced my soul. Actually, it still sets the boundaries to the kind of person I am and still becoming. I am not, and will never be, FAKE. And I am becoming a better version of me every morning that I wake up. These are my values. This creates who I am.
The rain is starting to die out now. I'm sitting on my window sill staring at the gray invading sky. The blue has been completely swallowed by the clouds and you can hear crackles of the tiny drops smacking against wood and solid concrete beginning to fade like the end of your favorite song. It's only been about 15 minutes and the storm was the hardest I've seen, yet the shortest I've experienced here. I can't help but relive my past in my thoughts while I've been here on "standby". I've had so many of these quick storms, yet it hit so hard that it's going to take three or four times as long just to dry the water that was regurgitated by the gloomy sky. My life is still drying. And unfortunately I didn't make enough drains so I think I'm still overflowing with this mess. A lot of my valuables floated away along with it like my Integrity.
I think it's good enough outside to go out for my nightly run but this time it won't be under the stars. I started to change into my running clothes and I could tell I was eager to try my new running shoes but as I slipped into them, I slipped into another gray sky memory. Time stopped and I remembered when I put on my old running shoes while I stared at my ex-fiance playing with the kitties. I was stuck in a black and white memory and I somehow could not return back to my present day memory. I was looking at my overweight self and her. I overheard my black and white self think, "How did this loser get to be with a girl like that?" Then suddenly my memory became a replica of the movie "Click". Except for the lack of convenience to control my destination. It fast forward to the day I rushed her to the hospital in the middle of the night. I was in the back seat watching myself race through the streets of Lancaster over 100 mph. "COME ON!! GET THE HELL OUTTA MY WAY!!" was all I kept yelling at the speed abiding citizens of Antelope Valley. Fast forward again back to my office room at my house on Racquet Ln. I saw myself leaning against the wall as she began to lean towards me to be held. I saw her plant herself on my chest with my arms still on my sides. I saw my own face with no emotion. I was simply dead. Yet she was engaged in a war inside of herself. I could see the bloodshed coming from her heart. I could hear the screams and yet I still saw myself unaffected. Her tears began to trickle down her cheek and that's when my memory-self reacted. I saw my self cry without a cry. Deep inside I was violently trying to express what I felt, yet my body disobeyed my heart. I skipped to another chapter, and suddenly I was driving on the rain on the 14 freeway. On the phone I said, "I love you. I missed you so much! I can't wait to see you! I'm so sorry! I will never fail you!" And then I paused for a moment and said, "...of course...I'll never give up on you..." Again the thunder struck and I was relieved to see I'm back home. But apparently I'm outside now ready for my run. Hmm....I wish I can rewind to see how I got here...
T he gray became a very dark gray sky. I could tell the rain was not over. But I decided to run anyways. I started to make my way through the neighborhood when I saw a bright flash followed by a thunderous blast shake through my arm hairs. I've never felt nervous about thunder until this night. I was outside running while electricity split through the skies. It sure did get my adrenaline going since I never seemed to be short of breath like I usually am after a few strides. It's completely black now. I've been running for a good 20 minutes under the lightning, risking my life to drop a few pounds. Before I blinked again an extremely bright flash covered my eyes almost blinding me when time stopped again. I wasn't running around my neighborhood anymore. I was running through the halls of the old Highlands church with a crap load of doors like some freaky twilight movie. No not that stupid teeny bopper vampire trash. I stopped and opened a door and I saw myself sobbing my life away while people surrounded me staring. That's when Chris took the initiative to give me a man hug. This was the first time I broke out of my first shell. I closed the door smiling and opened the next one. Although this door was different from the first door because this one was covered with broken crosses. I dared to open it when I saw myself on the alter praying for kids to change. My eyes were black. I couldn't look any longer so I closed the door. I opened the next door that had a tux and besides that, a white dress. I took a peek and saw myself kneeling in a room filled with rose bouquets and rose pedals all over the floor. I held a white rose with a ring on top of it. She held her mouth with her hands as if to hold back the two life changing words. But with a tear she said, "I do." The door closed by itself on this one. I guess I was enjoying watching that one a bit too much.
I decided to skip the rest. I think I've had enough of this dream. I wanted to go back to running under the flashing electric bolts of death again but I was once again stuck. I reached the end of the hall with one last door at the end. This door had a valentines day card with a pedal-less rose held on the door by a knife that had the words, "God made me do it" engraved through the middle. The thorns were the brightest and most noticing aspect of this so called "Flower". My hands trembled as I opened this door. A gentle light glared off my eyes. It was a full moon and all I can hear was my breathing in sync with my heart beat. And I saw lightning strike through the full moon and turned black. At that moment I reached my arm out as if I saw my life fade away. I started running quickly when I realized I was sprinting my way back home in present time. I looked up and noticed between an opening in the clouds was a bright full moon fading slowly into the thick black gas formations. The rain started again since I felt the drizzle mixed with my sweat. This was the last stretch before I made it home and I was hoping the rain wouldn't come down yet. But of course with my luck, before I could even finish this thought, the rain began to fall. It wasn't long until the sweat and rain dripping from my hair was indistinct.
I am very aware that I'm growing. I am very aware that I'm alive. I've been thinking of my thinking a little too much lately, but my thinking has been becoming a more interesting thought. But now my only thought is the fear of getting pneumonia.
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