Sometime Around Midnight

Entry 10 1:38pm

Ezra: "What do you mean 'I love you but you deserve better?' That doesn't even make sense Ayla! Do you have any idea about what you're even saying to me right now?"

Ayla: "It's just that I think there's better than me and you should be happy..."

Ezra: "So if I wanted..'better'...don't you think that I would've gone after someone..'better'..by now? It's been 3 years, Ayla. I'm pretty sure I would of dropped you if you weren't making the audition that I'm apparently putting you through."

Ayla: "Ezra...You just don't understand what I'm trying to say! You see, I know what..."

Ezra: "I DON'T UNDERSTAND!??? Oh please! I understand exactly what I'm hearing. Maybe you're trying to tell me something else. You want me to read in between the lines? Ok, how about this! You're just too afraid to keep going because you think that I might leave you and get bored with you. So you think that by letting me go in a 'nice' way, I will completely understand, save you from possibly getting your heart broken, and then call it a day. Is that it?"

Ayla: "...No, It's just.."

Ezra: "No no no! You know what!? That is FUCKED up!! So to save yourself from a broken heart, you'll cut mine in half, make me feel like I'm not worth an ounce of attempt, tell me I deserve better, and go off on your merry way while I stand from the sidelines and watch you actually "try" with another person sometime later? This is what I heard. This is what I understand from what you said. If there is something else, just tell me. Be honest. If you think I suck as a partner, well tell me! But I rather you tell me that, than some kind of 'you deserve better' crap."

Ayla: "..."

Ezra: "I'll wait for you to say something..."

Ayla: "What do you see in me?"

Ezra: "...Are you really asking me this? After three years...You don't believe anything I've told you. Do you!?. Anything at all???"

Ayla: "I'm sorry. I do believe the things you say but I seem to have trouble believing it in myself. I'm not asking you to understand me, but I knew that you wouldn't understand anyways so instead I decided to tell you in the way that might make better sense."

Ezra: "Why couldn't you just say so? You mean more to me than my own..."

Ayla: "Don't....just don't. Look...it's almost midnight...I got to go. I'll talk to you later..."

(Exit Ayla)

Ezra: "You're right...I don't understand. Maybe I've failed to tell you how I really feel...Maybe I just shouldn't bother anymore. Why make you a priority when you only make me an option? I guess it really is over...It really is..."

William and Terra

Entry 09 Time...???

"I'm afraid of it." said William. "I'm so God damn afraid of it!" He paced back and forth thinking of some sort of answer. His forehead wrinkled in between his eyes as tension began to grow higher and higher. "I'm not used to this. Something so good...yet I'm afraid!? I've NEVER had this issue before and now faced by the flirtatiously poking opportunity, I can't even move! What kind of category under men do I fall under? Wimp? Yellow-footer? Ohhhhh....what do I do? What do I do!?" The early morning hours passed by more quickly and decided when compared to Williams struggle for clues. His feet developed a routine dance pattern under a trance of emotion. Beautiful long strides of indecisive footing accompanied by a gloriously spinning mind. 'How beautiful!' would be the cry of a bipolar stadium filled with hormones of uncontrolled urges screaming "Encore! Encore!" Williams energy began to run dry like the idea of a good woman diminishing from his list of passions. The music finally stopped and his dance had come to a halt. He leaned his back against the wall by the lamp. He fixed his eyes on it, finding warmth and embrace from something so inanimate. His long drawn out sigh revealed more than just a puff of hot breath. His memories ran through his mind reminding him of all the good and bad times he has had. "...but what does this even matter??? It was all the same bull anyways. Everyone is just playing a show and WHY SHOULDN'T I!? I think it's my turn for the star role pal!!" But after a few more memory skits, one face popped up as a climax. Terra. "No...no I won't put on a show. But what if it's not enough? What if...no...It won't. It's not about chance. I'll just have to make this the best thing that has ever happened. I won't fail." His eyes softened immediately at the thought of her. His fists finally opened up after 3 hours of clenching. His veins on his neck succeeded and his stance was held strong by a sudden string of confidence. Her smile was bigger than his heart alone, and was enough to make him feel again. and so he whispered, "Terra...who are you to make my heart beat again..."

Unlike William, Terra had a slightly different struggle. "I can't do this. If I get any closer to him, I might lose the good I got now." She knew of the possibilities before her. She has been offered a chance to choose her fate, but tied was a sacrifice of a personal determination. "Why oh WHY do the things I get close to, ALWAYS fly farther away!!?? I can't afford to lose the good this has become! I can't and I won't! But...what if this time is different? I can see it when he looks at me. I feel him through my eyes. What do you think Maryl?" Terra was the type of person that saw things from two perspectives. She always needed the insight of her closest friend. In this case, although a little insane, Maryl was all the perspective she needed to understand what she might be dealing with. Maryl held up a shot glass filled with whiskey, "Cheers, Terra! To all the horrible men that lie through their teeth, show no mercy, fake more relationships than we do orgasms and all the ones who just want one thing in life. And by golly, I'll give it to them! Ha!" They clinked glasses and gulped..."Ahhhh...You see Terra, you need to just forget about that! Enjoy him but don't claim him. As far as we all know, he is probably thinking the same. They always do." Terra simply put her head down to avoid eye contact from anyone and anything as she lost herself in thought. Her head still down, she responded with a soft un-hopeful voice, "You're saying he's putting on a show?" Maryl laughed, "Hahaha, of course he is!!! Come on Terra, what do you think this is?? Marriage camp? Nobody looks for a wife nowadays. That's back in the 1700s babe." Terra knew Maryl had made a point. But the only thing Terra could think about was, 'what if I lose out on the best thing that could've possibly happened?' She looked back up to Maryl and said, "Ya...I guess you're right..." and at that point Terra realized she had just lied the biggest lie since the first time the words 'I love you' came out of her mouth. In balance, she whispered a truth she knew would bring her a smile, "William..."

"Never leave the one you love for happiness because in the end, you wont be happy without the one you love" - Anonymous