World of Trees

Entry 05 1:59pm


It's been over 2 months that I've felt like I've settled at this new place I call home. Yet I can't help but feel like some sort of foreigner from another country. Every morning I've stood outside staring at this world of trees in this state of surrealism wondering who I am here. 'I'm really in Georgia...' were my thoughts. I can't seem to grasp the idea yet. It's like standing inside of a glass bubble trying to touch the outside world but something invisible stops me from that everlasting connection. A better example would be remembering the first day of school not knowing what to expect from the environment or the people for that matter. The difference is that you're sitting in a seat that does not quite exist yet. The teacher does a roll call alphabetically but skips your name. I don't feel like I'm misplaced or unwanted. But for some reason I feel invisible. It's not that I haven't met anyone but then again I haven't met someone interesting yet. It's a kind of place where you live, you live, and you keep living. There's not much more to it. That's probably why I feel this life here is set on the easy difficulty settings. I'm used to the 'normal' mode but here 'normal' is considered 'ludicrous' mode. Boredom isn't exactly my issue either. Do you see my dilemma now?

These thoughts have overwhelmed my minds capacity. And today I have this strange feeling in my stomach again and I feel like something is going to happen. The last time I felt like that, nothing ended up happening. Unless of course my feelings were somehow connected to something or someone in California which I am completely unaware of. Now that I think about it, this loss of connectivity to my "now" could be severed because I haven't quite let go of my direct connection with my prior life. My brain constantly goes into 'detecting network settings' mode every morning and it can't seem to pick up any 'wi-fi' networks around my area. Disconnecting my prior network might help but the problem is finding out how. This world of trees is a place just waiting to be explored but I can't seem to look past a single leaf without thinking what is happening on the other side of the world. 'Home sick perhaps?' I thought. '...nah!' That couldn't be it. There is nothing I miss there besides my best friends. But that was expected. This feeling is frustrating me. Is it some sort of anxiety attack? Mix feeling nervous with a side order of confusion. Ya...not the best combo on the menu.

I love this world of trees. It is everything I've ever needed and more. But maybe these trees are blocking my sight from the sky. No it can't be it. I don't think I'm making any sense in this little bundle of thoughts so I'll stop writing for now. I feel like I'm standing to my back on one of these trees with a crimson apple on my head but the arrow shot in my throat instead.