Sometime Around Midnight Again

Entry 11 11:59pm

Ezra sat on his bed staring into the perfect painted picture of empty cigarette boxes that laid across his bedroom floor. Frustrated and alone, he covered his face with his hands and let out a distorted scream of hurt that replaced the carbon dioxide that filled the air moments ago. "Why...why, why, WHY, WHY!!!!" were the only words he could say out loud. His mind was overflowing with thoughts of confusion, questions, and doubts. His thought patterns were creating mazes of possible solutions, but none that led him to a second of peace. He needed to find a way out, but his heart was as trapped as he was within the walls of his room. Ayla was the only person on his mind to comfort his screaming soul because he lost himself to an addiction of sex and irresponsibility to define his own independence. "What am I supposed to do? I gave my whole life for this! I stopped everything in my tracks just to build something new with her. Is this really the Karma I get for trying to be a good person?" Ezra couldn't do anything but argue with himself. Suddenly he heard a voice inside his mind. 'Do you really think you know what is best for you? Do you really think you understand the purpose of this mess you're in? Son, you have confused yourself with what you think is best for you and what was supposed to be best for you. This is not what was planned for you, however you chose what you felt you should have.' Ezra lowered his hands and stared into the air. Softly he whispered, "How was I supposed to know what is best for me? I didn't choose this life. IT chose ME!" The voice continued, 'You knew exactly who you chose and why. You need to stop lying to yourself for the sake of your own future. You're not convincing anybody, Son. Stop for a second and listen. And I promise you, you will hear what you should begin to do. You are forcing your way through life. Free yourself and let it all connect in it's own timing. Not your own. Plus, you're worth a fight.'

Ezra couldn't say a word. Regardless if this scenario was all too familiar to him, he couldn't seem to find a solution for the repetition of incidents he has been through. He laid across the bed with arms open as wide as his eyes. Blinking was not an action he needed to waste energy on. His only focus was to simply stop thinking and close his eyes. He knew he was going to see Ayla during the next night and finding the right words to say were more important than finding the cure to cancer. The clock turned midnight when he closed his eyes. The sweat began to dry on his palms and the storm of his tremble had come to a calm when the door began to knock. "It's me Ayla..." The door began to open...